Unpacked

Location: Old Town - Chicago, IL

I've unpacked my many boxes and I'm officially moved into the basement. A part of me feels accomplished because I'm no longer living out of suitcases and boxes. The other part of me wishes I could have just lived out of suitcases and boxes until the end of August. The idea that I have one or two more big packing/moving endeavors during this summer is a bit daunting. My goal one day would be to fit all of my possession in 2 suitcases. That way I would have the ability to be constantly mobile :)

As I did the physical unpacking I also did a bit on mental unpacking...

As I face the possibility of really going overseas, for a whole school year, I realized this will be a time for me to put into practice all of the training I've received over the past 4 years. I've become so comfortable being in training, preparing for the day when I get sent out. Now that day is drawing closer and closer and I don't feel ready, sounding very similar to this post.

Things are moving faster than I expected and trusting God, knowing He knows whether or not I'm ready, is quite difficult. But when I began this process I said I would walk through any doors God opens knowing He has a plan and He has yet to shut a door. So I will continue in faith, surrendering my fears and anxieties on a daily basis. I would appreciate your prayers as God continues to lead me, challenge me and shape me.

The house I'm staying in doesn't have internet so my Starbucks addiction is returning :)

Have a wonderful weekend!

Ablaze: Finding Wholeness

Location: Brighton Park - Chicago, IL

I'm not sure about you all but I've been so blessed by the Ablaze series by Annie, Nicole, Erin and Annie.

Hearing from these ladies has encouraged, challenged and inspired me to pursue God in my singleness. I reflected while at work this morning (the thunderstorm kept people away from the pool) and here are some of my thoughts.

I don't have singleness figured out. I've been so confused by the Christian relationship culture. I haven't had time to truly learn what it means to being a single young woman seeking to be conformed to the image of Jesus.

In my quest to learn what this means I've studied the Bible, I've read books and I've listened to more than my fair share of sermons.

*What I've seen biblically is God honors women who seek Him first*

Rahab: hid the Israelite spies and is named in the "hall of faith" (Hebrews 11).
Ruth: made Naomi's God her God and as a result is one of the women listed in the genealogy of Jesus.
Esther: spoke up for God's chosen people and saved them from destruction
Mary: suffered ridicule for being pregnant out of wedlock but understood the privilege of carrying the Messiah
Anna: A devout Jewish widow that prophesied about Jesus and was able to see Him as a baby
Mary (Martha's sister): sat at the feet of her Master to learn from His teaching

In the books I've read and the sermons I've heard there seems to be an emphasis on preparing oneself for marriage. Not that this is a bad thing, we all want to be prepared if God should bring a spouse into our lives. However, what about young women who feel God has called them to a lifetime of singleness?

A couple months ago, I came to a realization:

I'm probably going to be single for the rest of my life. 

I'm not slamming the door shut on marriage but God has placed specific burdens on my heart and pursuing those burdens is going to require time and energy I might only have when I'm single. This was an incredibly difficult realization for me because even though I've been saying my whole life that I don't want to get married, deep down I've dreamed about my future husband. I've always hoped and wished that God would bring a man into my life, someone with whom I could enter marriage.

However, this hasn't happened yet. Admittedly, I'm still quite young and I've learned, the hard way, you can't tell God no.

BUT...

For now and for the foreseeable future, I am single. As I came to this realization, I started looking at my old Bible study notes, reading through some books and listening to some sermons. I realized that none of these books focused on seeking God in singleness without intentionally and consciously preparing for a life of marriage.

It's not that I don't want to be prepared for marriage. Rather, I want to seek God in a way that I will be prepared to be single or married. I want to learn to be a woman after God's own heart who's wholeness comes from being in Christ alone, not through marriage. My life's focus should be on God and seeking His glory, nothing else. Any hole I feel in my life can only be filled by my Savior.

So, I will surrender my anxieties to God (Philippians 4:6-7) and find rest in God alone (Psalm 62).

P.S. if you know of a book that speaks to this issue please suggest it on this page.

*Some of the coolest storm clouds I've ever seen*

If you missed out on the series check out the posts below!

Annie on singleness

Nicole on dating

Erin on breaking up

Annie on marriage

Reflections on Graduation, part 2

Location: Old Town - Chicago, IL

*Continuing from this post*

I ran into two fellow graduates from my alma mater at Starbucks today. Hearing a little bit about their post graduation life has helped me feel a little less abnormal about my lack of solid direction in life. Some things we have in common:

1. Nobody has a full time job and none of our jobs are in our respective fields of study

2. Every one of us is feeling a bit out of sorts during this time of transition

3. Job changes are imminent

4. Living situations are not ideal

5. We're all seeking God's will and learning this usually means not knowing what's ahead

6. Despite all of this life is much less stressful than it was in college

While I don't have a definite plan about the coming months/year I'm beginning to feel God wants me to be in this place. 

A place where I'm not grasping for control. 

A place where I'm ready to go wherever God wants.

A place where I'm constantly listening, hoping to hear the Holy Spirit's voice guiding me. 

God is sovereign...I truly believe it. However, it hasn't been until recently that I've started to live it. I'm surrendering my thoughts, desires and hopes. I lay them at the feet of my Savior, knowing He will take care of me. 

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."(Ephesians 3:20-21 ESV)

Things and Stuff...and more things and more stuff

Location: Brighton Park - Chicago, IL

I've moved...

AGAIN :)

This is not a complaint, in fact it's a praise. God's provision in the midst of my homelessness has been amazing to see. He has raised up caring and compassionate people to support me during this transition time.

However, the multiple moving processes has taught me one major HUGE lesson:

I HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF!

Not some clutter...

                               Not a junk drawer...

WAY TOO MUCH STUFF

I may seem a bit overdramatic but I've always had a love for the theatre :)

As someone planning to live overseas and who probably has many moves ahead the amount of stuff I've accumulated over my lifetime is a bit cumbersome. I sense a major purge coming up.

Through all of this I began thinking about materialism and my attachment to all of my things and stuff. I talked with a girl I babysit with and she said one of the most profound things that challenged my materialistic heart:

"We must live in such a way that we're ready to get up and go wherever God calls us."

3 months ago I would have said that I live this way. However, this past couple months have shown me how tied I am to my stuff, the US and this earth. Moving twice, all within 10 miles of each other, took over a dozen trips, 10 storage bins and countless man (and woman) hours. 

I'm not at all saying that creating a home, having a family and getting involved in a community is wrong. However, it's not the life I believe that God has called me to live. I hope and pray that this verse will be lived out in my life: 

"But out citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself." -Philippians 3:20-21

Enjoy the rest of your week!

miscellany monday

Location: Evergreen Park, IL

1. The packing process has begun again. It's only a partial movie, hopefully only for the next two months. Then I might be doing it all over again! One day I'll be an expert :)

2. I'm back in the Chicago area and can't wait for my new job schedule to start. Things are going to be less chaotic and I'll probably be able to get into a rhythm.

3. The reading assignments will begin this week. I'll have to put my fun reading on hold as I try to complete my requirements as an appointee. I'll try to make sure I get some leisure reading in at the same time. 

P.S. I'm still working on the "Suggest a Book!" Page :)

4. I'm still waiting to hear about possible opportunities to go overseas. God is teaching me a lot of patience.

How is your summer going? Any big changes coming up?

Reentering

Location: Evergreen Park, IL

I'm back in Illinois and excited not to be living in a hotel room. As much as I loved my roommate and spending time with my Texas friends, it's good to be in a place that feels like home.

I'll be moving to a basement apartment tomorrow (very excited!) and I'll be in my own space. Also, I was able to go to a birthday party yesterday, a Mexican one, and see my friends and students from church.

However, not all parts of coming back have been fun and exciting. It's been difficult feeling so different when everyone else seems the same. It's a similar feeling to arriving home from a mission trip and having your entire worldview changed while everyone else is still caught up in their own lives.

I'm struggling with the idea of support raising, getting people to catch the same vision I have for going overseas. I will continue to pray and seek God's guidance as I wrestle through this process. I would appreciate your prayers as well through this time :)

This post is simple me trying to get some thoughts out and not necessarily and exhaustive treatment of the topic. More to come...

Night all!

Guarded Personality

Location: Richardson, TX

God has made us all with a personality. Some of us talkative and outgoing. Others are shy and reserved. Many fall somewhere in between. This is a part of being made in God's image; we have emotions and desires. However, the most important aspect of our identity is being in Christ.

Being in Christ means that our sense of individuality, our sense of importance, our sense of security, our sense of significance should all be found in Christ and Christ alone. When we submitted to Jesus Christ at the moment of salvation our identity became completely rooted in Him. It is only by His power that we can do anything and it is in Him that we have communion with the Father.

As a result, there are times when we must guard our personalities in order to honor Christ. This is especially difficult for me because I like to be outgoing, friendly and fun. When interacting with people it's incredibly difficult for me to learn how to take a step back from the situation to listen.

I want to be heard.

I want to be noticed.

I want to be useful.

I want to be appreciated.

However, there are definitely moments I look back on and see warnings where God was trying to tell me to slow down, listen and guard my personality. This is a part of my testimony, demonstrating respect and honor to others. The verse that comes to mind is James 1:19:

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce righteousness of God."(ESV)

The "quick to hear" part is most convicting to me. When someone asks a question I am usually the first to answer instead of listening to others. I pray that God will continue to work in my life so I can be a better listener...

to God
and
to others

Happy Wednesday!