*Disclaimer- this post may seem a bit on the downer side but I wrote in an effort to be honest about the transition to living overseas.*
The honeymoon phase has worn off. I was expecting to last a bit longer than this. I was so excited to be back here and be in a culture I love and miss. Unlike many of the people here I actually am loving the desert heat. But when I woke up this morning those feelings of love and excitement had worn off.
Two days ago I found out (with 30 minutes notice) that I would be substituting for 3 periods because two of the Arabic teachers had quit. Then yesterday I found out I would be substituting for one of the fourth grade teachers because she got food poisoning the night before. It was a welcome change because the students haven't been tested for ESL so I haven't had any students so far this week. But after two days of teaching students I didn't know without any lesson plans I'm a bit worn down.
I didn't have a desire to get out of bed this morning. I want to talk to my family. I miss my friends. The time difference is getting to me. My frustration with the administration hit a breaking point yesterday. Things are different than Oman.
I had
Then all of my training came flooding back to me. Culture shock is part of daily warfare. Everyday, I need to suit up and shield myself against the flaming arrows coming in the form homesickness, housing frustration and tiring days.
My Father is using this to form me and shape me. He is using this to strengthen my armor, to help me rely more on Him.
He is begging me to surrender. His desire is for me to cling to His grace.
It's hard and I'm not enjoying it.
But daily conversations with Abba are helping. Time in His precious Word is encouraging. I know He'll walk through this with me. I know He'll bring me out of this. I know He is all I need.
Sometimes it's hard to live that way.
Right now it's really hard.
Tomorrow, I'll share how chapter one of A Thousand Gifts has made it a bit easier.
Thank you for your raw honesty! I'm praying for you as you continue to seek God in the midst of these new circumstances!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty. Teaching is so so so hard. Teaching in a different country only adds to that challenge. Keep hanging in there. Take one day at a time. You're absolutely right that the enemy wants to attack you in any way possible. Maybe pick a scripture and speak that one out loud the moment you start to feel overwhelmed and worn down. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness for your honesty. It is hard and there's nothing wrong with recognizing that. When I was serving and exhausted and homesick, I came across a woman who just so delightful all the time. I asked her how she was always so happy and she told me that she woke up every morning and chose joy. That in itself is not easy, but it revolutionized my attitude for the rest of my time there. I'm praying for you now, that the enemy would have no power over you and that the Lord would protect and fill your mind, as well as your home and school.
ReplyDeleteKeep trucking one =) It'll get better. And enjoy Voskamp's book! It was one of my favorites from last year.
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing your heart girl! a reminder for me to pray all the more:) keep going and know that you are exactly where our father has called you!! blessings! love Katie
ReplyDeleteI miss you :[ & i know telling you that doesn't make it any easier for you, but i'm praying for you. praying He will lift you daily into His presence and give you the strength and the joy and the passion you need to dig deep and make much of Him and much of this time, all for His glory. love you!
ReplyDeleteyou have such an amazing courage through Him. i'm praying for you girl! stay strong in Him!
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